Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. Not everyone is an obvious toxic person as they don’t walk around with a huge sign stating it and it can be hard when they have also manipulated you into putting up with their nonsense. I wanted to talk about this as I have recently left multiple friendships/relationships that were extremely toxic and unhealthy. I want to showcase what it does to a person, how badly it affects your mental health and how life afterwards really is.
Before we head straight into the post I just want to point out I am talking from personal experience, my advice is my own opinion and everyone’s situation is different!
I have been in multiple toxic friendships/relationships over the course of my life, I’m only 22 so I have obviously put up with and been through a lot for my age. Being in one is one of the most tiring things I think I have ever endured. For some people, it might be less severe than that but in my experience, it’s been draining. Toxicity has a fine line of being just toxic and then being abusive, I, unfortunately, have suffered being in both of these situations and I am sure my readers have been also.
If I was to be kind to myself I would describe myself as a nice, caring person who wants to help anyone I can. That in itself can make you a little naive and susceptible to being taken advantage of by people who couldn’t care less about you. Wanting to please someone all the time is something I have naturally struggled with since being a child and has reflected into all of my friendships and relationships throughout life. If you’re anything like me you understand what I mean when I say you’d bend over backwards for someone even if they weren’t giving you anything in return. Even after people around me had pointed out these people were using me and were cruel I still thought I was the problem and maybe it was me that wasn’t doing enough. How wrong was I…
As mentioned before, toxic people come in all shapes and sizes, most commonly friends and partners. Although, some parents can also be toxic towards their children also. People do usually show signs and red flags, but, we easily ignore them because we want to be accepted or loved. It is pretty common.
They use manipulative tactics to make life as hard as it can be for you. Making someone feel as small as they can is essential to them!
“This ‘friend’ slowly turned me against my true friends. I had looked up to her and admired her, and I was always seeking for her approval. She would reward make me feel happy and rewarded whenever I ignored another friend or said something terrible to them. ” – athenachristy.wordpress.com
It can be extremely stressful when you have to deal with someone who is toxic. For me it would be feeling so sick to check my phone I would turn it off for days on end, if I knew I’d be left on read I would have to delete the conversation with this person so I’d be able to go back onto the app we were talking on without feeling obsessive about checking when they were last online or if they were replying. My hair would fall out in clumps and I’d feel unwell having to deal with these people in my life. Everyone else’s reaction does vary.
“Stressed. If I wasn’t doing what she wanted me to, she’d give me the silent treatment. I was always walking on egg shells around her. But don’t get me wrong when she was nice, she was lovely! But when she was “moody” for lack of a better word, it was awful.” – chimmyville.co.uk
I’d always feel this horrible feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach if I knew I would have to deal with these people/person.
“I found it so difficult to sleep, was unable to eat and couldn’t face going to work (we worked together. I would be so worried every day and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.”
Life after being in a relationship or friendship with a toxic person is extremely hard. I still find myself finding dating and making friends hard because of past problems. I fear it’ll repeat again. You also become somewhat programmed to expect people are going to use or mistreat you and that your past experience will repeat itself all over again. For some of you, life after being around a toxic person might be able to resume back to normal fairly quickly but for others, it can take time. It is so easy to go over what happened but eventually, you’ll look back and praise yourself for getting out of it when you did! I sometimes still find it tough looking back but it’s something we will get through. Everyone’s healing is different.
“I think the hardest part of this was having no explanation as to why. I started questioning myself. Did I do something wrong? What did I do? Did she never like me at all? I went through so much doubt, frustration, and anger. After having a couple years to mull it over, I now know this was for the best. And it doesn’t matter what the reason was. Clearly, she was never as invested as me, and didn’t treat me with the same respect. Of course, that wasn’t fair to me. I’m lucky the friendship ended when it did; that finally opened my eyes.” – Haley @ introvertedcreativity.com/“Heartbroken, I still am.. The person in general I loved to bits so it hurts to loose someone you were so close to, but at the same time.. that constant feeling of worry and stress was lifted. I guess what I’m trying to say is.. You may love a partner/friend so much that you don’t realise how toxic that person is to you untill you let them go.” –mrssleejones.com
You’re not alone in the way someone is making you feel, talk to someone about what it is or how you’re feeling about the situation. Don’t suffer in silence! For me when things got really difficult with these friends and partners I spoke to my mum every time. Having someone that can shed some light or clarity onto things is very helpful. If you get really down and depressed, if your mental health is really deteriorating then please talk to a GP or ring a hotline. Look after number 1!
I wanted to say a quick thank you to all the ladies that helped me out with my post by sharing their experiences, their links are included in the post so go check them all out! It’s really brave and just shows we aren’t alone in all this. I hope my readers enjoyed this post and could also have learned something about dealing with toxic people. Stay safe out there! Take care – Beth x